Thursday, April 28, 2011

Easter candy is the spawn of satan at 60% off!

My favorite holiday is Easter. 

I love celebrating what my Savior did for me on the cross and the fact that he rose again so that I can live with him in eternity. It is a holy day, full of celebration, music, family, and friends. 

Easter candy, however, is a different story. I believe that Easter candy was placed on this earth specifically to torture me. 

"Adrienne, you are exaggerating again...stop being a drama diva" (as my mom would call me) 

Let's take a look at the facts, shall we? 

I would like to submit the following pictures into evidence - 

Number 1: 

Look at them, all innocent - but no one notices that look in their eyes. You know, that psycho "Im going to hunt you down in your sleep" look. And they multiply like an army just waiting for you to give in to their brain washing. You can't just buy one - Oh, nooooo. You have to buy at least 5 or 6 in a pack. You can't eat just one - Oh, nooooo. You have to eat them ALL at once or else the others get stale and mock you. Peeps are of the devil. 

Number 2: 

Do I need to say more?? Talk about psycho eyes!!! When you do give into their lure and start eating the bunny ... it turns into some deranged rabbit missing half an ear or arm - it's creepy. 

Number 3: 

This just means that they are reproducing. 

I think I have stated my case. People of the Jury, I think you have no other recourse than to rule in my favor...Thank you. 

Seriously, folks. I do love Easter and back when I ate everything and anything I wanted - the after Easter candy sales were right up there on my list as one of my favorite shopping days of the year. Forget black Friday - give me Easter Candy Sales at Walgreens!!! (My former co-workers can vouch for me on that one) 

Life is about choices. I can choose to give in to temptation every time I walk into a store for the next week and a half (at least) or I can choose to be proud of myself and walk out without the extra baggage. 

I heard someone say this the other day and it really hit me hard. "When making a choice about what you are eating ask yourself, 'Does this make me feel good NOW, or will this make me feel good LATER'? Summer is coming people...when you are in that swimsuit or shorts will you regret the chocolate bunnies that have taken up residence on your thighs? 

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

If you like sugar - don't read this!

Adrienne: "Hi, I'm Adrienne ... and I'm a sugar addict." 

Blog Readers: "Wait, wait.... WAIT!! Back up, Adrienne...I thought you were a CAKE addict?" 

Adrienne: "Well, yes... and no. I am (to the core) a sugar addict - cake just happens to be my preferred "form" of the drug. I also like a little coffee with my sugar and creamer (liquid, milky, sugar). I can go for a nice large cherry coke from time to time, cookies are great too (but only oatmeal raisin or snickerdoodle - that's German for sugary-cinnamony-fluffy-sugar-
baked-in-cookie-form), cereal (any kind really), orange juice - it's all just different forms of sugar - and all of them take control of my mind and body and render me unable to control myself. Cake just has the most control." 

Yes, there is my explanation...the truth. Today, my struggle is coffee. Well, let me rephrase that (because I promise to be totally honest in my blogs) struggle today is that I want sugar and creamer (lots of it) - and I hide that by saying that I really want a cup of coffee. 

Now, am I feeling a little bit of caffeine withdrawal? Yes, maybe. But did you know that there is such a thing as SUGAR WITHDRAWAL? It's true - google it. 

Where did this start? Probably in the womb - but that isn't what I meant. I had really put my violent raging fits of sugar withdrawal to bed for a while until Friday. Some kids in my office were selling "Cake Pops" to raise money to send to help with the relief effort in Japan. 

I bought one. 

Here's proof - 


OH DID I SAY I BOUGHT ONE??? Oops...I meant, I bought FIVE. These are balls of cake - dipped in sugar - on a stick. It's like giving me crack. 

I ate one - the rest are in my freezer at home because I finally forced myself to put them there - I will eat one after each 5 lbs I lose ... at least that is what I'm telling myself. 

Then on Friday night I went to a baseball game. At that game I split a Pepsi - a large Pepsi with a friend. 

I repeated this on Sunday night at a basketball game.

So, now I find myself today - with a headache ... craving sugar so bad. 

Why am I telling you this? Just a second while I take a drink of my water.......... 

That is why....because no matter how strong your craving - you can overcome it. Nothing in this world has power over you except for you! 

Note to self today: 


S'cuses (or excuses for those of you who have pledged allegiance to the English language) are kinda like opinions. 

Do you know what they say about opinions? 


(Yes everyone has a bellybutton...mine is just hiding, working on that...remember?) 

No, they don't say that opinions are like bellybuttons - but that is a whole lot nicer than what they DO say about opinions... 

But, I'm not here to talk about opinions - I'm here to talk about EXCUSES! 

It seems like no matter who I talk to - everyone has an excuse as to why they CAN'T workout. 

Excuse #1. I don't have time 
Excuse #2. My knees are bad 
Excuse #3. I don't have time 
Excuse #4. I haven't found an exercise I like. 
Excuse #5. I don't have time .... (Do you see a pattern developing here?) 

Look, Im not judging. I have spent the majority of 31 years living on this planet with excuses about why I CAN'T exercise ... and guess where it got me? 


.. some of my friends are skinny and they never have worked out a day in their lives." Well...are those friends reading weight-loss blogs? Probably not. Are you? Yes. 

I'm writing this blog as much for my own benefit as I am for yours. I can come up with a million reasons why I can't make it to the gym tonight (and I don't have a husband, kids, or a house with a yard to take care of). Everyone has excuses - but they get you no where! 

So, note to self (and anyone else who wants to listen) If you want to look like this: 




I've never come this close to giving up

Everyone who knows me - knows that I am an emotional roller coaster. It's not something I am proud of - but it is a statement of fact. This is part of the reason that my weight skyrocketed to approx. 300 lbs. I eat emotionally... 

**Whatever... I just eat - I eat when Im sad, I eat when Im happy, I eat when Im disappointed, I eat when Im thrilled - I just eat. 

One of the great things about blogging is that most of you don't know me, so you get the privilege of seeing ALL of my colorful sides. I hope I motivate you, I hope I inspire you to make it one more day, to run one more mile. But today - I need inspiration because (like the title says) I have never come this close to giving up. 

I have a few triggers - you know, things that happen in life that just make me want to eat. Normally, if I experience just one of these things I can ward off the cravings and the temptation to give in to the thought that the food will make it all feel better or make it all go away. But this weekend - it all came crashing in on me ... let's go through the list, shall we? 

#1 - Im feeling accomplished. 


(I told you....ANYTHING can set me off) 

I have almost completed Week 6 C25K, I was down to my lowest weight so far - Friday I felt GREAT! 

Why is this a trigger? BECAUSE I DESERVE A DONUT !! (That's all I have to say about that) 

#2. Emotional overload. 


I won't go into the details - but yesterday was one of those moments where you are laying on the couch in the fetal position with your eyes so swollen from hours of tears that you can't see a thing and you are having a hard time catching your breath. 

What? You never have those moments? You are a liar. 

#3. Im fighting off some icky allergy/sore throat/headache/chest congestion CRAPOLA. 


I mean, who really wants broccoli when you feel like crap? Who wants to cook? Not me! I would MUCH rather have mexican - not sure why....but mexican sounds good right about now. 

All of these factors mixed together is like the perfect storm for failure. 


Am I going to quit? No. 

I've come too far. I have too many people to let down. I want it too bad. 

THIS is living life. 

No, I've never come this close to giving up - but I've never come this close to LIVING either. In the past, I've just lied down and allowed all of life's circumstances to run me over. 

Giving in to my desires to numb the pain with food made me feel just that - NUMB. Unable to feel love, unable to feel anger, unable to feel joy. When you use food to numb pain - it also numbs happiness. You can't get rid one without killing the other. 

So, today - I will feel. 

I will feel Sadness 

I will feel frustration. 

Tomorrow - I will feel joy, accomplishment, love... 

I will feel ..... because that is what makes me alive. 

Beauty Pageants don't make girls insecure

I didn't grow up watching beauty pageants. (slowly looking to the sky to thank GOD that I was never into that kind of stuff) 

I had a few friends who had glass cases that they kept all of their ribbons and crowns in - and it interested me. I always thought that I wished I could be "that girl" that was pretty enough to not be laughed off of the stage. As you can tell my mental image of myself wasn't the greatest. Plus, my parents didn't have that kind of cash laying around to BLOW on crap like that. 

So, I never understood what the big deal was. I would hear people say things like, "Beauty pageants give girls bad mental images of themselves." "They make young girls think that they have to be perfect and prettier than all of the other girls to be validated." 


I was always like, "Foreget that, if she can't hit the softball out of the park then she ain't got nothin' on me!" However, every time I saw those crowns - something inside of me still felt "not good enough." 

Have you ever seen that show "Toddlers in Tiaras"?? What the world is wrong with those people??? OK, Ok, I realize that show is just that, a SHOW and they try to get the worst out of people (if you are a mom of a toddler in a tiara then you don't have to read the rest of this cause...Im gonna offend you) But...these moms are beyond ridiculous ... and those kids need a good kick in the batutie! 


Anyway...back to my original reason for posting this blog today. This morning I was watching Good Morning America (like I do most mornings while get ready for work) and I saw the story about Miss San Antonio. Here is the story if you want to check it out:

"What did you say? Did she just tell me to "stop eating tacos?" 

Apparently, this whole thing started because Ms. Ramirez showed up to a photo shoot in a bikini (a SIZE 2) and the "pageant people" (whoever they are) told her that she was too fat and the pictures were "un-usable." 

Tell me something. Does this girl look fat to you? 


Give me a freakin' break people!!! What is wrong with us, as a society, that we can look at the beautiful young woman above and think to ourselves, "Well, she could afford to lose a few." 

So, let me say something to all of those "pageant people" (whoever they are) ... it's not beauty pageants that make girls insecure - it is your critical, judgmental, self-righteousness that makes girls insecure. Its the fact that a girl like me WOULD have been laughed off the stage! So do us all a favor and start seeing (and treating) girls (all girls) for what and who they really are - NO MATTER WHAT THEIR SIZE. 

BEAUTIFUL (period) 

The "Cake Incident"

I know that if you clicked on this blog (and you aren't someone who follows my blogs already and will click on any title **Shout out to you guys!!! LOVE you!) then I know YOU are a fellow cake addict. How do I know? You read "cake" - and clicked ... whether consciously or sub-consciously .. you clicked. 

"Cake addict? What are you talking about?" 

Cake ... it's like heroin (for those of you who have struggled with a heroin addiction please don't take offense - it is a metaphor to make a point) I compare cake to heroin because for me - it is an addiction. Most of you probably don't know this about me. But you could just mention the word "cake" in my presence and I start salivating. I am helpless to the smell ... the soft, fluffy pillow of yummy goodness (if in cup-cake form - you get to un-wrap like a gift), the cloud of sugary icing (which should be listed as one of the most addictive drugs and I can just see smugglers being arrested for hiding it in their shoes and sneaking across the boarders) ... Ok...I've gone too far. 

But this is me ... Hello. My name is Adrienne, and I'm a cake addict. 

How do I get my fix? One of two ways: 

There is this bakery in town that has a "cup-cake bar" ... that's right - it's sinful. You pick your cake, your icing - and you can even add toppings (I would never ruin the pure taste of the cup-cake by adding toppings - those are not for true cake connoisseurs!) I have only visited this bakery twice - and I try to stay away from it ... I will even drive the long way just to avoid it! 

I also punish myself by watching this show: 

Sometimes I dream of wrapping myself up in fondant and eating my way out ... not kidding. (ok, maybe a little) 

So, it has been a long time since I have written about the "cake incident" so I thought I would share again. It is one of those stories that I will tell my children and insist that they pass it along for future generations. Here it goes. 

For my birthday in 2007 (about one month after starting my healthy lifestyle for the first time) my roommate made me a German Chocolate Cake for my birthday. German Chocolate is one of my favorites (although I am no discriminator of cake - I like it all ... so every flavor is my favorite!) But, German Chocolate is at the top of my favorites list - mostly because of the icing. 

We ate about 3 pieces of the cake on my birthday - between me and my other roommates and the rest was left ... for me ... for later. So, about 2 nights later I was home alone ... with the cake. 

I had a dilemma. I had 3 choices: 

1. I could eat a little bit of the cake every day and hate myself every day until it was gone (because at the time whenever I ate something "not on the plan" I felt terrible about it) 
2. I could throw the cake away - which really wasn't an option because a. I couldn't fathom throwing food away! and b. my roommate who made the cake for me is the sweetest and most sensitive person I know and it would have really hurt her feelings. 

or option #3. I could sit down and eat the entire cake right now and get it over with. 

Guess which option I chose. 

Yep, I sat right there on the couch all alone and ate the entire cake with about 2 glasses of milk. The next day I tallied up the calories - came to about 1450. Yikes! 

I can laugh about it now. Whenever I think about cake (which is often) I always think about the "Cake Incident." I have learned that this journey isn't about all or nothing. Its about your best every day. The better option would have been to have a little bit - my roommates would have helped me out with most of it and I wouldn't have had to feel the guilt. .... I also wouldn't have a story ;o) 

Mission: Find my belly button!

Since I started this journey (years ago) I have always felt like I needed to have a purpose. A mission statement for my weight loss, so to speak. Nothing has ever been motivating enough, important enough, thought provoking enough ... nothing seemed to just make sense - until today. 

During my lunch break I went to the bathroom (as most of us do on our breaks) ... as I was sitting ... you know where ... I looked down at my belly (I know, great mental image ... but Im just trying to tell the story the way it happened). 

I thought to myself, "I can't wait for the day when I see my belly button again." 

You see, my belly button disappeared ... I don't know, maybe in my early 20's - maybe even before that. I never paid much attention to the fact that it was gone - I mean, what did it ever do for me anyway??? Fine, if you want to abandon me - then leave...I won't shed any tears for you!! Good riddance! 

If I don't care about the absence of the button then where did this thought today come from? Suddenly I long to see it again. Im not sure why - other than the fact that I despise what has taken it's place around my mid section. Now, instead of a beautiful belly button - I have a mound. A mound of fat that mocks me when I look at myself in the mirror. Suddenly, that belly button seemed to have more of a place in my life that I never realized I needed. I feel a void. 

So today - I voice my mission statement loud a clear! I will rescue my belly button from the depths of the mound! My mission: Rescue the button! Whatever it takes - I will not rest until it is discovered and takes it's place again right in my middle!! 

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

About me and this blog...

Hello...My name is Adrienne. 

I am currently on round 2 of my weight loss journey.  In 2007 I succeeded in losing 70 lbs through portion control and excercise.  I failed miserably at completing my task and keeping the weight off.  At the beginning of 2010, after gaining all but 15 lbs back, I decided to try again.  I am currently down 48 lbs and counting.  I will not be stating my specific weight (because I do not think that is important - let's just say it's more than 60 lbs left to go which means that I had over 100 lbs to lose total) 

I am 31 years old, single with no children.  I reside in the Charlotte, NC area and I have a desk job. 

I am not only writing this blog to chronicle my weight loss journey, but I also want to discuss issues that I face as a single woman finding my way through life.  I try to use humor but I deal with reality and I am honest with myself and with my readers. 

I've chosen "Lovng me now" as the title of this blog because I believe that no matter what your size you should be able to find ways to love yourself at every stage of the journey! 

"Happiness does not come gift wrapped in your goal weight" ~author unknown 

I know that happiness is something that you have to find every day.  If you are looking for someone who is real, honest about her struggles, and able to laugh at herself then this is the blog for you!  I hope you subscribe and join me in learning to love yourself ... no matter what!  (and maybe lose a little weight along the way)