A little perspective...before the Holiday madness.

The Holidays are beautiful    The Holidays are peaceful    The Holidays are special times with family and friends    At least ... that's what we tell ourselves every year. But, what ends up happening?  Our Holiday ends up looking more like this:          There are literally hundreds of websites dedicated to helping people with what the medical community has labeled "Holiday Blues". Not only do people suffer from depression during the holidays but about 25% of us will suffer from "post-holiday let-down" in January. This all comes to a head because of the demands that others place on us and that we place on ourselves during the holiday season.  Just think of it..  You have how many presents to buy?  How much is that going to run up your credit cards?  How many parties must you attend?  And you have to have a present for each of those - for a random person that you don't even know?  Where are all of those holiday decorations? OH...all the way in the BACK of the attic.  Are you already starting to feel stressed?  You aren't alone.  "Gee - thanks for the uplifting blog, Adrienne"  Well...i'm getting there.  What am I going to do differently this year - to make my Holidays more enjoyable?    I'm deciding now that I will enjoy my Holidays. I will do less of the things that stress me out - and I will do more of what makes me happy.  What does that mean?   I may have to say no to a few parties.   I may have to buy gift cards instead of actual gifts (people like those better anyway)   I may have to purchase gift bags instead of wrapping crap.   I may have to stay home and watch "How the Grinch stole Christmas" - at least 3 times with a cup of hot cocoa ... LOADS of marshmallows.   I may have to enjoy the company of those around me - the dishes can wait.   I may have to sing Christmas carols - out loud.   I may take a few days to put up my decorations instead of trying to get them all up in 2 hours.   I may turn off the TV and just stare out the window as snow falls to the ground at night.   I may have to buy a pie from the store instead of making one from scratch ... I mean, I'm not a grandma yet.  So, what will you do to make your Holidays more enjoyable? What can you say no to? What will you say yes to? I think now is a great time to decide.

3 minutes in line at Wal-Mart

I went to Wal-mart today on my lunch break...  I had to get a few things to have for snack because, unfortunately, I am not very good at planning and I didn't buy apples to eat with my Almond Butter that I purchased from Trader Joe's over the weekend.  (*side note - I just ate a honeycrisp apple with 2 tablespoons of Trader Joe's Raw Crunchy Unsalted almond butter - it was like 270 calories just for a snack - but it was worth every SINGLE calorie!!!!!! Plus...it's not like it was cake!)  So, I'm standing there in line and I looked up at the woman who was two people in front of me. She stuck out. (and that's kinda hard to do at Wal-mart!)  There she was, paying for her groceries. She was a slim brunette, about 28 years old, with her hair tied back, makeup perfectly applied, in a business suit.  She looked kinda like this:    Except she had a red shirt on under her suit jacket. She also had on one of the largest engagement rings I have ever seen on person. I also noticed that she was buying fruit, lettuce, etc. Not a single unhealthy thing on the conveyer belt. (Yes, i do pay attention to what people are buying at the grocery store and sometimes I make judgements based on that - I can be a terrible person. I digress.)  Immediately I started imagining what her life must be like.  I even gave her a name, Claire.  Claire's life was amazing. She had supportive parents (both of them). Claire played volleyball all through school and made perfect grades. Her grades (and her daddy's bank account) got her into a great college where she worked hard and was so smart that she graduated Valedictorian of her class - with a Masters in Business Law at the age of 22. She went on to get hired at the most prestigious law firm in Charlotte where she has been the best lawyer on the team ever since.  One day, Claire got a little cold (which NEVER happens to Claire because she takes such good care of her body) so she went to the doctors office. Where she met him. The most handsome doctor she had ever seen.    He instantly fell in love with her. He showered her with gifts and won over her heart and they were married one year later.  Claire now lives with her amazing husband, in a beautiful studio apartment that overlooks the skyline of Charlotte. They go running every morning with their golden retriever, Sam.  All of this - in about 3 minutes standing in line at Wal-mart.  You know what is funny about this story. It's funny to me how many of you do the exact same thing that I did!  Someone very wise once told me to never compare what you know about yourself to what you don't know about someone else - you will always lose.  I don't know Claire. As a matter of fact, I never even said hello to the woman. I have no idea how she grew up or even what she does for a living.  Claire could be unemployed - and she was wearing that suit because for the past year and a half she has been going from one job interview to another with no luck.  Claire could be in an abusive relationship where he always buys her nice things but he treats her like property.  Claire could hate her life.  It's unfair to me to stand there and come up with fantasies and then feel bad about myself because my life isn't as good as Claire's.  If you have ever found yourself doing this - it is unfair to you too.  Stop it.

Top 10 reasons you should check yourself in the mirror BEFORE leaving your house

You know how David Letterman does the "Top 10" on his show? Well, I decided (since I'm obviously JUST as famous as David Letterman) that I am going to start my own segment of this blog called... Adrienne's Top Ten (clever title - right??) So....here we go - Top 10 Reasons you should check yourself in the mirror BEFORE leaving your house: #10 Because you should subject yourself to what others have to see all day first - it's only fair #9 Because this is not 1992 #8 Just because you CAN button those jeans...doesn't mean you SHOULD #7 Because you shouldn't be advertising to everyone that you are cold without saying a word (girls - you know what I mean) #6 Because "Uggs" are called that for a reason #5 Because accessories are there to HELP you #4 Because no matter how hard you try - purple and red will never match #3 Because bending over is sometimes required throughout the course of your day #2 Because TIGHTS should never be worn as PANTS And the #1 reason you should check yourself in the mirror before leaving your house.... Because you are beautiful, no matter what, and you should take some time to recognize that

Forget Halloween...Thanksgiving is scary!!

Today is November the 2nd. Do you know what that means? No, it's not my birthday.... It means that there are only 22 days until Thanksgiving ... (insert creepy horror movie music here) "Adrienne...Halloween was 2 days ago. There is nothing to be afraid of!" Really.. really? (Said with my most serious face) I realize that most people get to this time of the year and they start breaking out the Christmas music, and putting up Christmas lights, and feeling a little touch of the Holiday spirit. Yes, I love all of those things. I love Christmas! But I'm not talking about Christmas. Seeeee!!! There is a reason that everyone just skips Thanksgiving and starts celebrating Christmas on November 1st! Even if it is subconsciously - nobody really likes Thanksgiving. The thought of Thanksgiving makes me want to do this: Because I'm honest with myself. Here is what everyone pictures Thanksgiving will be like: And this is what ACTUALLY ends up happening: Also...I don't understand some Thanksgiving foods. Like... Green Bean Casserole. I'm sorry - I realize that there is a "Green Bean Casserole Cult" out there that like has a fan club and as soon as you say Green Bean Casserole they start salivating uncontrollably - I don't want to offend any Green Bean Casserole worshippers - but I just don't get it. My green beans are perfectly fine without cream of mushroom soup and onion crunchies - they are fine that way all of the other 364 days of the year - not sure why we suddenly have to cover all of our green beans in cream just because it is Thanksgiving. I also don't get sweet potato pie. Wasn't pumpkin pie good enough? So, I am starting to prepare myself for this dreaded Holiday. I'm thinking ahead about what I can do to make it easier on my waist-line. I found this article that might be helpful to you if you are preparing yourself too... www.webmd.com/diet/features/10-tips- for-a-thinner-thanksgiving  PS...I'm not the only one who's afraid!

Small things...

I heard this story once...  A man was talking about water and how necessary it is to sustain human life. I mean, just think of all of the things we use water for - cleaning ourselves and our stuff, hydrating our bodies, cooking our food, etc. Water is everywhere - and without it, we would die.  Water is a good thing ... as long as it comes in appropriate quantities.  The old saying is a true - you most certainly CAN have too much of a good thing.  Ask the people in Japan or in Thailand who have experienced tsunamis over the past several years. Suddenly, the same element that is in a glass of water or a shower becomes something to fear - because having too much water is dangerous and can also kill you.  The same goes for fire or...  sun light or ....  food.  You know, people tend to equate overeating with things like smoking or drug use or any other addiction that can be overcome. But, smokers don't HAVE to have a cigarette 3 times a day to survive.  I think that food addiction can be overcome - but it requires a certain self-control that is obviously in short supply in a food addict's life.  So - how do we find that self-control??  I think that self-control is hidden ... in the small things.  If somebody plops 2 dozen donuts in front of you - that is a big thing...it's easy to say to yourself ... "Self, that isn't good for you and you KNOW it."  But, if someone puts cheese and crackers in the conference room at the office - "Self, they don't fit in your budgeted meals for the day but it's JUST cheese and crackers." leads to "Maybe Ill have some of this dip too" leads to "Well, I already screwed up my eating today so Im going out for dinner." leads to "Well, Ill start over on Monday."  If you could have said instead... "Self, cheese and crackers do not fit into your plan - stick to the plan." AAAHA! There it is!!! Self-control - I KNEW you could find it!!!!  So....  Here is to me - finding my self-control again. In every area of my life.  Self, you know you feel better when you are controlling yourself. Your clothes fit better. You sleep better at night. You don't ache as much when you do strenuous activities. Remember how it feels to be proud? You know, all of your spark friends are right - you CAN do this. You motivate others - now motivate yourself! Look deep and forget about the past - this is life. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and do what you know you have to do - remember - it is the small things ... added up become a big thing. It works the other way around too - walk a mile when you don't feel like doing anything else - do that every day and it will add up!!! You've got this.

The Adrienne I don't want to become

I know that it has been a while since I have written a blog - but this one has been on my mind for a while. If you are looking for one of my funny banters about cake or cable TV - then you may want to skip this blog and wait for the next one ... I promise the old Adrienne will return. This blog is going to be more serious - and I am writing it more for my own sake than for yours. I want to be able to look back on this and remember - how I felt at this very moment, how I don't like feeling like this, how proud I am for how far I've come.  I don't know that I have ever actually come out and said this publicly in my blog before - but I'm getting ready to.  I have an eating disorder.  Yes, you can have an eating disorder and not be anorexic or bulimic.  I'm not going to go into WHY I have an eating disorder - I think that my struggle with my weight and with food is proof enough that I have a problem. It is not socially acceptable to point out that someone has an eating disorder if they are fat - even if that person is pointing at themselves - so you may be reading this and start to feel uncomfortable that I am talking this way about myself. It is ok, you have been taught (even if subconsciously by social standards) that if someone has a problem with their weight you should ignore it so as to not hurt their feelings.  This is good, to an extent. It is hurtful to be reminded that you have a problem - especially if it is not solicited. So, go ahead - take a breath and let all of your nervous fears be put to the side for a few moments - because I realize i have a problem ... and I want to do something about it.  When someone is fat ... there aren't usually interventions. Friends don't sit you down and say, "Im really concerned about you ... maybe you should do something." like they would if you were dangerously skinny, vomiting your lunch, or drinking yourself into a stupor at 3 in the afternoon.  No, most of the time people say nothing at all. They just stare... or say things behind your back...or imply...or make jokes. (Not your real friends ... they just say nothing or tell you that you are fine)  Ok, now that all of that pre-topic garbage is out of the way - here is the real reason for my blog today.  I found this article online:  www.foxnews.com/health/2011/03/31/ob ese-ohio-man-dies-fused-chair-2-years/  Excerpt from article;  "A morbidly obese Ohio man has died after police found him fused to a chair he had not moved from in two years and were forced to cut a hole in the wall of his house just to get him out, WTOV-TV reported Wednesday. The unnamed 43-year-old man's roommates called police when they found him unconscious.  He was taken to Wheeling Hospital in nearby West Virginia, where he later died."  Wait ...  Rewind...  "The unnamed 43-year-old man's roommates called police WHEN THEY FOUND HIM UNCONSCIOUS."  That's right ladies and gentlemen. This man sat in a recliner for 2 YEARS because he was too fat to get up. His girlfriend brought him food and his other friend lived in the room next door. I'm not even going to get into the fact that these two roommates should probably have said something - to someone BEFORE they found him unconscious. How about, "Hey, my roommate has been sitting in a chair of his own waste for X number of months - maybe someone should help him."  I digress.  Im going to step out on a limb here and say that this unnamed 43 year old man didn't plan for his life to go down like this.  Im going to say he didn't wake up 2 years prior and say - "You know what? I think Im going to just park myself right here in this recliner ... and never get up. That sounds like a pretty good idea." (I realize that is a dream for most men, but the reality of the situation probably isn't as appetizing as the dream itself, guys)  Ok...so here is how this story should be a lesson to me and you.  Fact: I am currently at a weight that is unhealthy for me.  However, I am not at a weight that would make it necessary for me to sit in a recliner for two years just waiting for the day that police officers have to come to my house and cut a hole in the wall to get me to the hospital.  And guess what...  I don't want to do nothing until that becomes necessary!  "Wait...wait...wait - WAIT.  Adrienne, you aren't THAT fat. I mean, yeah...you could lose a few pounds - but come on - you don't really think you would ever get to the place where you had to be cut out of your house do you?"  Yes, I absolutely think that I could get to that place - if I give up.  Guess what - if you have an eating disorder - this is your reality if you give up too.  So, here is what I will do.  I, Adrienne, refuse to give up. Even if I re-gain the same 25 lbs every 6 months and then kill myself to lose it again. I will not give up. I will try everything in my power to continue to fight. I will surround myself with people who say to me, "Adrienne, you are doing awesome and I am proud of you for not giving up." I will remind myself of this 43 year old unnamed man (who, by the way, was a person who had feelings, interests, hobbies, who loved, cared, and lived).  As long as I can still breathe - I will not give up.

Hoarding & Obesity - the parallels are shocking!

I guess I have been watching a lot of TV the past couple of days because today's blog is inspired by things I have seen on television that have given me insight into human nature. 

You can learn a lot about a society based on what you can see on television. 

There is a show on the TLC network called "Hoarders - Buried Alive" 
 

If you have never seen this show, I recommend that you watch at least one episode. It will open your eyes to an entire labyrinth of the psychological human being. It is shocking how much I have learned about myself by watching someone else's struggles. 

I will admit that the first time I saw the show, I had a reaction that is probably similar to the one you will have or have had if you have seen it. I thought, "How on God's earth does someone think that living this way is ok?" 

You see, I am a clean person. I feel peace when things are organized and I am able to rest when my house is clean and things are in their place. So, it is easy for me to judge someone who uses piles and piles of "stuff" as a coping mechanism and security "fortress" - which is what most of these people do. Stuff becomes the only thing in their lives that they can control. So, the process of cleaning out the stuff becomes more than just a simple spring cleaning yard sale. It becomes an emotional assault on their lives. 

I realized something today. 

If you are a significantly overweight person then re-read the paragraphs above and replace the word "stuff" with the word "food". Aren't the parallels shocking?? 

I know that there are people out there who feel "peace" or they are able to rest when their bodies are well taken care of and they are healthy. They would look at a person like me or at someone who is morbidly obese (which I used to be) and think to themselves, "How on God's earth does someone think that living this way is ok?" 

It is hard to understand that, just like hoarding, morbidly obese people do not decide one day "I think I will ruin my life and eat so much that I put myself in danger." Food, to them, really does equate to security, safety, and control. Even though a healthy person may look on at an obese person who is trying to get healthy and say, "Wow, they are starting to take control of their lives." It feels just the opposite to that obese person. At times, it feels like you are so out of control that it is emotionally impossible to handle. 

I think that it is safe to say that everyone has their own ways of dealing with life. Some people start smoking, some people exercise, some people move in and out of relationships, some people hoard, and some people turn to food. Of course some of these coping mechanisms are healthy and some are not. 

Why would I write all of this? I just had a revelation that human beings are all the same. You may think it is disgusting that I would say at my weight that you are just the same as me. You may think you are better than me for whatever reason. But, guess what? We are the same. 

We all deal with life. 

So, the next time you see a person who is extremely overweight. Try to see them as a human being just like you, with people they love and issues they deal with. See past their fat. I realize that most people who would read my blogs are not the type of people who would make fat jokes or look upon someone else in disgust, but we all have prejudices that we don't even realize are there. I know I did. 

It was so easy to judge these people on tv ... until I realized that we really are the same...my coping mechanisms are just different than theirs. 

You know, I have had times when saying no to pizza sends me into literal tears. 

(That was hard to admit to the whole world) 

That may be shocking to you. But that is reality to someone who struggles with weight issues. Just like throwing out cardboard boxes can send a hoarder into panic mode. 

The great thing is that once you recognize the problem, you can start working on how to fix it. Your weight issue may not be something that you can fix by "just going to the gym" or "just eat less". It may be something you have to dig deep and figure out about yourself. Maybe you need to find another way to cope with life issues? 

Anyway, Im glad I got this out. If you are reading this and you need to talk to someone, Im a great listener. Or you just have questions for me, Im an open book.